I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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