Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
