I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
