Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
