3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
