you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
