They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
