Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
