Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
