god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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