sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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