How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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