He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
