If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
