got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
