I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
