Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
