I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
