Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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