i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
