i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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