I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
