everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
