to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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