I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
