I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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