I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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