So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
