By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
