Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
