i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
