What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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