I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's get the cat blown out
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
