I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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