is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
