omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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