my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
