You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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