You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
