In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
