Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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