piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
