just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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