I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
