I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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