I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
