dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
