I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
