Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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