I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
