STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
