please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
