I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
