Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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