In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
