i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
