I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
