so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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