haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
