I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
