i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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