Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
