Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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