that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
