everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
