remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize