What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
