i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
