he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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